When I was younger I thought a lot of crazy things. I believed the moon followed me around at night. I thought that if I bought red star earrings I could transform like Jem. I secretly thought my mom was white until I was like seven years old, and I was certain that boogers held the key to long life and immunity.

At those ages I wasn't ashamed to share any of those ideas, which is how I ultimately came to know they weren't true. Shame is one of the largest deterrents of truth and change. The opposite of shame is to risk uncertainty and be willing to not know. Shame is about hiding and staying in what is familiar even if it's very bad, because you feel so awful inside and you don't want anyone to know. People hide blemishes, illiteracy, vulnerability and regrets, because they fear anyone else rejecting them. The truth is they are the ones rejecting their own humanity. Shame is the ESL student, who is afraid of pronouncing a word, so he doesn't even try.

I can't remember the exact life experience that was the beginning of my willingness to give up on myself, but I know that it was linked to shame and that I've been fighting it ever since -- reclaiming my audacity. Flaws are the new black.

As a parent and a teacher, I understand that it is crucial never to use shame to push kids into "better" skill or behavior. Shame is far more powerful than people realize, and its impact can last for decades. Children and students must take risks, and they must not be made to fear uncertainty. If my daughters and my students can be impervious to the judgment of others and be willing to try without fear, then I've done the most important part of my job. Their lives will be easier than my own -- not just in dance -- but in all areas.

If you want to be good at English and it's a new language, or the best dancer in the cipher, or an author who writes well, then you have to care less about what others say and practice, practice, practice shamelessly. The only thing I'm ashamed of today is that this is just clicking for me in 2009. I did, however, have the gall to embrace uncertainty and share it on the web. Hopefully, I've helped someone else.

Labels: thematic thursdays